I need a change...

I look forward to Thursday's. It's my off day...well, I should say my day off from work. I really don't ever get a real day off. Guess that's just one of the joys of being a single-parent (smile). I got quite a few calls today...people needing favors since they knew I was off today. I did a few of them, but after about the third call, I stopped answering the phone and went into deep thought about my life. It was raining today and a bit gloomy so, needless to say, I had a lot of time today to think...
My first question to myself was, "Am I happy with my life as it stands now?" Unfortunately, I was able to answer that question before I even finished asking myself. It was a resounding, "No." It was so clear to me that I need a change, but where do I start? Years ago before life really started happening to me I had a plan. A clear one. I knew where I wanted to be in X amount of years, when I wanted to be married, blah, blah, blah...well, here I sit...still. Truth is, I still have a plan, but not enough strength to put it into action. Why? I'm drained from life. Period.
My life is pretty basic. I spend alot of time at home...thinking about how I can get outta this place (while on Twitter...which is my excitement). I go to work at a job that is just a paycheck and benefits to me...don't get me wrong...I'm thankful for my job, but I'm capable of doing so much more. I go to church regularly. It's a must for me to keep my faith strong...it's the only thing that keeps me. As far as "getting out for fresh air", I don't get to do that very often to say the least. Kinda boring (smile). That's a little bit about my "everyday"...not much to it. I need to change that...
What would really make me happy would be to finish school. Seems that everytime I try, I hit a road block. After my father passed away, alot of my desires kinda left with him...I always wonder about where I could be right now and what I could be doing if I had taken a different path in life...stayed strong and focused more on me through my toughest times in life. At times I actually feel like the world is leaving me behind because I continue to walk behind instead of takin big strides to get ahead. I'm drounded out by everyone else's accomplishments instead of floating on my own...accomplishments that I know I can achieve because I know I'm strong enough to do it in my mind, but I don't have the physical strength to finish...but I need to. I look at alot of other young adults my age. They're are successful, happy, live prosperous lives...they have their shit together...and then there's me. I can't say that I am totally unhappy, because my son brings me so much joy, but I'm not even close to where I should/could be. I need changes...happiness. Not happiness that is always acquired thru someone else. I want my own happiness.
Every area of my life needs change...from love, to finances, to a new career, new surroundings, a new me, a new LIFE...however, when I think about what I need to do for even the slightest bit of change, I get exhausted....but no more. I am too smart for this. I have too much to offer too many people. I have too many lives to change...including my own. I know it starts with me. The only person that can change me is ME. I know that all things are possible thru Christ...I know my happiness is out there. I just have to go get it. Change is coming, but it takes preparation and it's time to get ready for it...no more excuses. To Be Continued...